Mediation / Facilitation Process ...

The role of Terri Harmon as facilitator/mediator is to support each party in:

• expressing your desires in a way that the other is likely to be able to hear and understand
• hearing and understanding the other party’s desires
• coming up with an agreement that is respectful of everyone’s needs

Language:

In order to be heard and understood, it is helpful to state feelings and desires in a positive way. When we hear criticism or blame, we quit listening with an open heart, and we become defensive.

By speaking clearly about our own feelings, needs, and requests, and avoiding language that is likely to be interpreted as criticism, blame, or an inference that the other person is somehow responsible for our feelings and needs, we are more likely to get our needs met.

Process:      Begin with understanding, then proceed to agreements.

• We start by alternating who speaks.
• I reflect back feelings and desires I am hearing from the speaker.
• The listener observes, and takes notes for points they may wish to make when it is their turn.

1st person speaks

• facilitator reflects.
• 2nd person listens.
• Once 1st person feels heard & understood by the facilitator,
• 2nd person reflects their understanding of 1st person’s feelings, desires, and requests.
• 2nd person asks 1st person if their understanding is correct.

2nd person speaks.

• facilitator reflects.
• 1st person listens.
• Once 2nd person feels heard & understood by the facilitator,
• 1st person reflects their understanding of 2nd person’s feelings, desires, and requests.
• 1st person asks 2nd person if their understanding is correct.

Once both sides feel heard and understood by each other, we proceed to discussing agreements.

Start With Questions:

1) What are you wanting from this meeting?     What would support that happening?

2) What are you wanting from an agreement?     What would support that happening?